Trapped In My Own Mind
by BlueSkies23
Summary: Light is kidnapped by Mello instead of Sayu. After he is rescued, the Task Force visit him and see what they thought wasn't true; Light being paralyzed from waist down. Set so Ryuuzaki is still alive. One Shot.


**Hi! I hope you enjoy this one-shot **** I'm trying to keep my writing skills up to date because I don't have any ideas for the rest of my stories, and this idea has been bugging me for a while. Constructive criticism is welcomed, as well as any other comments or questions.**

**IMPORTANT BACKGROUND INFORMATION: Light never touched the Death Note directly, so he never regained his memories. Ryuuzaki stayed alive, but the other Death Note that Light buried was discovered by someone else, who became the new Kira. The investigation continued, and Light was kidnapped by Mello instead of Sayu. Mello ran away from the orphanage on different grounds, and became a villain. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note, sadly ;( **

His mother carted him around in his wheelchair, watching the leaves fall. Autumn. It was Autumn. He was in Japan. He had to remember the basic facts, his therapist had told him. Otherwise he could get lost in the harder ones, and lose what ground he had gained on regaining normalcy.

"Isn't this nice?" His mother asked, as though expecting him to answer. He had barely spoken since they had recovered him from that…that _place. _It haunted his nightmares, leaving him to wake up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat, to say his mantra; _It was just a dream, it was just a dream, it was just a dream…_

But what really scares Light is that it wasn't.

Mello is still out there. Light knows that. The task force had been looking for Mello, as they knew he had the notebook. But it was more than that. After discovering what had happened to Light, they couldn't just let Mello get away with it. He was going to pay.

None of the task force members, excluding his father, had seen him since the kidnapping. He had been in the hospital for an extended period of time, and then was immediately brought home. The task force would bring back too many painful memories, his father had decided. They couldn't see him until he was better.

When would that be?

Light tightened his grip on the wheelchair, a memory suddenly bombarding him. It was sudden, the memory. The memory of when he had lost the ability to move his legs.

"_Dad!" Light screamed, seeing his father's face through the bullet-proof glass. They were going to trade him for the notebook. Everything was going to be fine. He was going to be safe…_

_No, Mello was getting the notebook. _Mello. _The crazy psychopath. They were never going to be safe again._

_His father ignored his pleas, but looked upon his son longingly. There would be time for greetings later. Right now, they had to ensure Light's safety._

"_Mister Yagami," A gruff voice called out. "Do you have the notebook?"_

_Soichiro nodded. He knew what had to happen now. He would trade the notebook for his son. Their entire investigation would crumble, but…he couldn't let them hurt him. Hurt Light._

"_Yes," he replied, holding it out. "How are we doing this trade?"_

"_Place the notebook in the compartment," the voice explained, showing him the compartment in the glass that separated him from his son. "and I will press this button. The compartments will switch places; I will have the notebook, and you will have Light."_

"_And if I don't?" he asked._

"_I release this toxic nerve gas." The man answered, a sly tone creeping into his voice. "If he's exposed to it too long, then he dies."_

_Soichiro nodded, glancing warily at the container of nerve gas the man held in his hand. Soichiro placed the notebook in the compartment, and waited for the compartments to switch, for him to receive his son._

_Only it didn't happen._

"_Damn, they're stuck!" the man cried, trying to pull a lever to switch the compartments. It wasn't working. Nothing was working._

_Suddenly, everything happened at once. The man accidentally knocked the nerve gas container over into Light's compartment, and it immediately released a large amount. _

_The next thing he heard was Light's petrifying screams._

_The compartments switched, finally, the man running, throwing the nerve gas to the far end of the room. "Run!" he shouted, grabbing the notebook and abandoning the building._

_Soichiro quickly tried to pull Light up into a standing position so they could both run, but something was wrong. Dangerously wrong._

"_D-Dad…" Light murmured, his consciousness failing him more every second. "I can't…f-feel my legs…"_

_Everything went black._

Light shook the memory away, instead trying to focus on the present. The trees. The trees were lovely. That's what his mother was saying, wasn't it?

Light nodded in agreement to her statement, forgetting that she had spoken that statement minutes ago. It seemed he was always forgetting something.

Until he remembered it, and wished it away.

Light remembered the doctors' diagnosis. The nerve gas had reached his legs, as that was where the container had originally released. His legs were to be paralyzed for the rest of his life. His father had gotten away without a scratch, only a light-headed feeling for a day or so.

But it was so much more than that.

Light remembered every moment of his confinement in vivid detail. It seemed like that was his entire life, the only thing he could remember. He could wish it away for a few moments, remember the simple things; his name, his face, his mother, his father, his sister…but then the memories would return, quicker and quicker each time until they were all he was thinking about.

Light felt a calm hand fall onto his shoulder. He didn't turn around, couldn't handle recognizing his mother. His eyes were dull, empty. He didn't want to cause his mother pain by making her see him. See what little of him there was left.

"Light," his mother murmured. "Someone's here to see you."

Light nodded slightly, acknowledging this. He would see them, of course, but he wouldn't talk. He never talked…unless screaming counted.

His mother wheeled him back up to the house where his father stood, trying to hold back a grimace. His son was alive. Crippled, traumatized, but very much alive.

"The task force wants to see you." Soichiro said, bending down to meet Light's eyes. "Is that alright?"

Light nodded slightly, still in a daze. He was always in a daze now. Always.

His father took over for Sachiko, pushing Light into the front room. Light looked up to see the task members standing in front of him, each with a different expression on their faces.

Aizawa stood near the front, seemingly angry, but not with Light. Light knew that, he could process it. Aizawa was almost always angry at something; most likely angry with himself at the moment. Perhaps thinking that if he had trailing Soichiro better at the airport, then he could have stayed with him, stopped Light from losing his legs. Yes, that was it. Light was sure of it.

Matsuda stood at the very front, approaching Light already with caution. He seemed concerned, upset. Light could see the pity laced in his eyes and he trailed Light's legs with his eyes.

Mogi looked away when Light tried to meet his eyes. Uncomfortable with the entire situation, he decided. He had decided that there must have been some way to save Light, and was beating himself up over it. That was the kind of person Mogi was.

The last was Ryuuzaki. He trailed at the back of the group, not wanting to be noticed by Light, yet he was meeting his eyes with surprising consistency. Ryuuzaki looked into Light's eyes, trying to tell him how sorry he was for not acting sooner. For not doing something. For not saving him.

"H-hey, Light." Matsuda broke the silence, stepping closer to Light. "How are you doing with…ah, your…"

"Matsuda!" Aizawa cried, cutting him off.

"S-sorry, Light!" Matsuda stuttered. "I didn't mean-"

Ryuuzaki silenced him with his finger. He took step after step, closer and closer to Light. He kept looking him in the eyes, never once breaking contact, still relaying the same message. _I'm sorry I couldn't save you._

Light begged his body to do something, to show some sort of forgiveness, compassion, _anything, _but all he could seem to do was stare. His whole body seemed to be empty, just a shell, the real Light Yagami disappeared.

_But I'm right here! _He cried, losing himself in his own mind.

"Light…" Ryuuzaki murmured, taking his hand and squeezing it, trying to get a reaction out of him. Light shifted his eyes so they would keep facing Ryuuzaki, but not a word came out of his mouth. Not a single one.

"Perhaps we should go." Watari whispered from the back of the room, having gone unnoticed by Light. His face was pale, his wrinkles more prominent, seeming much older than usual. Everyone seemed older. Their time was running up, Light mused. Everyone's time seemed to be coming.

Ryuuzaki nodded, still refusing to break eye contact with Light. "Yes, just one more moment, Watari." He explained. He held onto Light's hand, that single touch saying so much more than words could ever say. Even more than his eyes.

Light looked up at him, an unknown emotion crossing his eyes. Acceptance? Was that it? Was he able to let Ryuuzaki know that he had forgiven him?

"Ryuuzaki;" Watari repeated. "We should go."

"Yes…" Ryuuzaki mused. "Yes, I believe that would be for the best. Thanks you for your time, Soichiro. Light."

He exchanged glances with him one last time, and they all walked out of the house, the weight of what had been done to Light pressing onto their shoulders. Light may never be himself again.

But Ryuuzaki, for all the guilt he felt for Light, felt an even stronger feeling burning inside of him. Rage. He was going to get revenge for Light. He had seen the acceptance flicker in Light's eyes; for a moment, just a moment, he had been himself again.

Ryuuzaki would fix them both, and that started with taking Mello down.


End file.
